[new site]

Come visit me at my new site faith, family, fun.  Would love to have you follow me there.

[weakness]

Admitting that I am weak has been difficult for me over the course of my life.  I grew up in the 80's where women were taught to be strong and to rely only on yourself because others will let you down. That hasn't proven true over time but I still like to do things myself, because well, no one will do them as well as me., right?  For most of my life my worth has been based on performance. God is teaching me that my worth is not based on what I do but who I am and when I take on tasks that He hasn't assigned to me, well, I'm just miserable.  I am choosing to be still in this season of my life and listen to Him as I study His Word and pray for His direction.  I am a doer, so sitting still and waiting is very difficult but I choose to so.  He has a plan and a place for me and for you.

I am learning to be ok with my weakness, because in it I am made strong through Christ.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (HCSB)

[grace wins every time]

So life happened this week and I wasn't able to pull out posts on Wednesday and Thursday.  Wednesday night our church youth group participated in Fields of Faith.  It is an event that takes place on an athletic field where the students invite their friends and lead prayers for the community, leaders, schools, etc.  It took place after our local high school's football game which ended much later than expected.  Thursday night my daughter had a volleyball and then I was playing catch-up for my Friday night Bible study.

So I pray that grace will be extended to me for missing two days. :) 

I heard Matthew West's new song "Grace Wins" twice today on my hour and half drive each way for a meeting today.  This portion of the song really stood out to me as I listened to the words...

For the prodigal son, grace wins
For the woman at the well, grace wins
For the blind man and the beggar, grace wins
For always and forever, grace wins
For the lost out on the street, grace wins
For the worst part of you and me, grace wins
For the thief on the cross, grace wins
For a world that is lost

There's a war between guilt and grace
And they're fighting for a sacred space
But I'm living proof
Grace wins every time

For all the times I fail or fall short, grace wins every time.

[do your own thing well]

On Monday and Tuesday nights my daughter has dance classes. I sit in my car and read or finish my bible study homework or just waste the whole hour on social media. But last night I used that hour to write the day's blogpost. And here I sit on Tuesday night doing the same thing. Turns out this dedicated hour is a great time to get my thoughts together with little to no interruptions. 

I am participating in Incourage's book club this month reading Emily P. Freeman's latest book "Simply Tuesday."  Every Tuesday she has a message on Periscope and today's really spoke to me. 

She spoke about 1 Samuel when David killed Goliath. The woman were singing in the streets that Saul had killed thousands but David had killed tens of thousands. This would begin Saul's competition with David that would eventually lead to his demise. But she talked about how Saul was trying to be a better version of David instead of just being who God called him to be.  

That has been my struggle with blogging. When I think of ideas I convince myself that someone else is already writing about that topic and they are doing such a great job why would anyone read what I have to say?  She said "just do your own thing well."  It doesn't matter if someone is already doing the same thing. It won't be identical to what you want to do and we all bring different perspectives. She said just ask yourself "what is the next right thing to do." Do that thing and then ask the question again.

So what is your next right thing to do?  Mine is to seek God through prayer and His Word and listen to what He is telling me even if someone else is already doing it and to do it well.

[grace extended]

Day 12 of this blogging gig and I will say it...this is hard. There is so much I want to say but I just can't find the words to type. So I'll start with asking the question, "what does grace look like to you?"

To me it looks like the sunrise each morning as I wake up and realize that God has given me another day to worship Him.  It's when my children laugh (teenagers no less) because as bad as I think I'm screwing up parenthood, they really are happy, well adjusted kids. It's when my husband kisses me and I realize that he is a gift given to me by God that I so take for granted on many days. It's when I realize what He has done for me. He chose me and He sent His Son to die on a cross for my sins so that I could spend eternity with Him?  This defines how I receive grace. 

But when I think about how I give grace to others I fall short. I can be judgmental, unloving and critical. My pride can cause me to think ill of others when Christ came for them just as much as He came for me. If Christ gives them grace then why shouldn't I?  My focus this week will be extending grace to others as it was and is extended to me...to love unconditionally and to love others where they are.

So what does grace look like to you? How do you receive it and how do you extend it?

[let's be real]

Our Sunday night small group is reading through Thom Rainer's newest book, "I Will."  Tonight's chapter focused on small groups and the importance of being in a small group.  He says that if we are not involved in a small group we are just marginal church members.  Since we have been active church members we have always participated in Sunday school which qualifies as a small group according to Mr. Rainer, but I have always longed for the relationships that are built from a smaller group of people that meet regularly outside of church.  Our church building is great but to me it can be a bit sterile as opposed to the warmness of someone's home.

Part of our discussion was about why people don't want to meet in homes anymore.  Have we lost our sense of hospitality?  Is the church building a safer place to meet?  Is there something about being in someone's home that causes people to think that they must let down their guard and be real?

I will be the first to admit that I have to really trust someone before I will open up and share what's on my heart.  It can be scary to think that you might open yourself up to someone who may not understand your situation, judge you, or worse shatter your trust by sharing information with others.

Regardless of where we choose to meet, does the chance that someone might hurt you override the chance that you might develop a relationship that brings you joy, someone who will pray for you, hold you accountable and stick with you for a lifetime?

I think we need to give ourselves grace and those we seek to develop a lasting relationship with grace to take that chance to be real.

                                                                                      Photo credit Lifeway.com

[spotlight]

I was listening to thepointedlife.com this week on Periscope and she made a comment that really hit home with me.  "Be the spotlight, not in the spotlight."  For many years I have based my worth on good works, my accomplishments and what I can do in my strength.  This is what Christine Hoover calls the goodness gospel. But God is working on my heart and slowly teaching me that I only need to be a spotlight for Him.  It's not about me, but about glorifying Him in how I live my life, how I relate to others and others see Jesus through me.

[grace day]

Today is what shereadstruth.com calls a grace day.  I am sure I will have a couple of these over the course of the month.  I'm going to be ok with that.

[am i making a difference]

I am in a season of my life where I am not sure where I fit in.  Sometimes I wonder if God is making life uncomfortable because He wants something different from me.  I don't know.

I have really struggled with where He wants me to be right now...where I can make a difference.  I have shared previously that I heard Him loud and clear tell me what He didn't want me to do in some areas.  But I hadn't heard anything about my job outside the home.  We have gone through a pretty major reorganization and it hit me today that I don't know where I fit in anymore here either. I have worked at the same place for 25 years and the last 13 in the same position and I've always felt like I made a difference.  The change has been hard and today was probably the worst.  I don't feel like I am making a difference, just really going through the motions.

So what do you do when don't feel like you are making a difference?  Is it God showing me that it's time to move on or is He trying to humble me to take the focus off of me?  Is my unhappiness a result of self-focus?  Am I really glorifying God in all I do?

I'll keep praying and asking for His wisdom and guidance as I seek to give Him glory in whatever I do and I know He will continue to cover me in His grace.


“When the mask of self-righteousness has been torn from us and we stand stripped of all our accustomed defenses, we are candidates for God's generous grace.” -Erwin W. Lutzer

[my boy]

Today my oldest son is 19.  I am not sure where the time has gone.  He graduated from high school in the spring and started college in August.  I remember vividly bringing him home from the hospital and all the newness of being a first time mom...no sleep, putting him in the swing in the middle of the night just so I could close my eyes for a minute.  I remember thinking that if I could just get through that season everything else would be a breeze.  Then he became a teenager and worse than that a driving teenager.  I went from a physical tiredness to a mental tiredness.  I worried (and still do sometimes) when he is behind the wheel.  Praying that he will make good decisions and most importantly that he will love Jesus and make Him first in his life.

There are so many things I didn't do right as a mom.  But then I remember God's grace that covered me over the times of heartache and over the times I just knew I was messing him up for life.  As a mom, I can't fathom that God loves him more than I do.  But I trust His Word and I have faith that He does indeed love him to the moon and back.

[humility]

Humility has been difficult for me over the course of my life. I grew up in the 80's where women were taught to be strong and to rely only on yourself because others will let you down. That hasn't proven true over time but I still like to do things myself, because well, no one will do them as well as me.  Or so I thought.  Turns out things will get done even if I don't do them.  Go figure.

I am a perfectionist and anything worth doing is worth doing with excellence.  Good is just not good enough.  And I would expect others to have my same work ethic and I just couldn't understand why they didn't. To be honest, I had been establishing my worth on what I accomplished. Based on my schedule a few months ago (and the last 10 years) my worth was off the charts!  Not really.

God is teaching me that my worth is not based on what I do but who I am. When I take on tasks that He hasn't assigned to me, well, I'm just miserable.  I'm pretty hardheaded and it has taken a long time for Him to get through to me.  But His grace proves true everyday and for that I am thankful.


“But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”  James 4:6 ESV

[exhale]

I love worship music. I feel closest to God when I'm singing praises to Him. I heard Plumb's song "Exhale" today and I listened to the words as she speaks about grace...

Oh God We breathe in your grace

We breathe in your grace

And exhale

Oh God we do not exist for us

But to share Your grace and love

And exhale

To breathe in His grace and exhale. That gives me such comfort on a hurried Monday after a busy weekend where life can get in the way of taking a few minutes to just breathe my Savior in and exhale all the stuff the world throws our way.  To take my eyes off of myself and to share His grace and love with another person who needs it just as much as I do. 

[the gift]

Who doesn't like to get gifts?  Gifts let us know that people care about us, whether it's Christmas or a birthday or maybe an anniversary.  It makes us feel special and loved.  We didn't have to do anything to receive those gifts.  We accept them with no questions asked.

What if we accepted the free gift of salvation from God?  For those of us who are saved, we know that the gift is free, but do we live like it? Do we continue to try to earn God's love and grace through our good works? Sometimes our good works can become idols. We might be looking for recognition and approval from others.  We might want others to think we are important.  But when we do this we are putting the glory on ourselves and not God.

God saves us by grace through faith in Jesus Christ.  Nothing we do can save us.  God designed it that way so He would receive all the glory, not us.  Let everything we do be for the glory of God.

[amazing grace]

I had decided to choose "intentional" as my topic for this challenge because it is the word God laid on my heart for 2015 via the One Word 365 challenge.  But on Thursday morning, God changed the topic to grace.  I didn't know why at the time and I may not even completely understand by the end of October but I will take any confirmation He gives me.

That first confirmation came on Friday.  I was able to attend the Extraordinary Women's Conference this weekend in Roanoke.  There's something about being in a coliseum with 10,000 women all there to praise, worship and learn.  To hear all these women singing praise & worship songs together brings me joy.

I bought my ticket in February and really hadn't given much thought to who the speakers were.  I knew Angie Smith would be there but I didn't check the schedule until I looked at the program Friday night.  It wasn't until after the first three worship songs, which were all about grace, did I realize that the theme of this weekend was "Amazing Grace."  All of the speakers touched on grace but Angie Smith's talk really struck a chord.  She taught on Acts 3:1-10 about the lame beggar who sat at the gate Beautiful everyday begging for alms.  Peter and John pass him one day and he asks them for alms.  Peter tells him that he doesn't have alms but that he can give him healing through Jesus Christ and the beggar is healed.

She shared how we ask the Lord to get us through the circumstances or outcomes of whatever holds us in chains, but we don't ask Him to deliver us from the bondage.  She used the example of her fear of flying.  She said she prays on take off that God will just get the plane above the clouds.  And on landing, she prays that God will just get the plane below the clouds when she should be praying that God will deliver her from the fear she holds onto.

God showed us how much grace He has for us by sending His Son to die on a cross for our sins.  He has delivered us from the pits of hell if we choose to believe and follow Jesus.  There is nothing He can't deliver us from if we choose to believe.

In her words, grace makes no sense...we don't deserve it but oh to have the faith to know that God, our Father can deliver us from anything if only we ask.

And just because she's so stinking cute I will share this...

[his grace covers me]

"I’ve shrunk back in relationships, worrying too much about what others think of me and always assuming they think the worst. I’ve shrunk back in ministry, unsure of my gifts, unsure of my place, and feeling as if I was on the outside, mostly because I put myself there and kept myself there. I’ve shrunk back as a mother, letting my failures and insecurities lead. I’ve shrunk back in my writing, afraid to remove the protection I’ve placed around my heart, uncertain that I have anything to say and, above all, questioning if this is God’s idea or if it’s been my selfish idea all along. I’ve even shrunk back a little from God, holding parts of myself away from him.

What if I lived as if the gospel were true every hour of every day? How would that change things?"
   From Good to Grace...Christine Hoover

I have spent the last couple of years feeling exactly as Christine wrote that. How did she read me so well? I think I felt a little validation that I'm not alone and that I'm not completely crazy.  

So I started to think about what if I lived as if the gospel were true everyday? How does that change things? It changes everything. When I live my life as if it depends on me I will screw it up every time. When I live everyday as if it depends on God it gives me comfort knowing that He is in control. He knows what's best for me. He has a plan for my life. 

It.takes.all.the.pressure.off. 

It all boils down to pride and fear. Pride that is self-centered, fear that God doesn't really know what He's doing and that somehow He needs me.

It's about a lack of faith that Jesus died for my sins. He rose from the grave and sits at the right hand of the Father. There is nothing I can do to earn His love because I already have it. 

His grace covers me. 

[31days of writing]

It's a daunting task. 31 straight days of writing. I've had problems writing once a month. There's so much to say but getting it down on "paper" hasn't been easy for me. Do I have anything to say that people actually want to hear? Will it make sense or will it leave people going "huh?"

Tack on the pressure of writing on one topic for 31 days straight. Again, daunting. But I'm going to take a chance and try. So what will my topic be?  A few topics came to mind but where I ended up is "Grace."

Grace. It sounds so simple but it can be so complicated.  I have been reading Christine Hoover's book "From Good to Grace" and I have highlighted almost the entire book. I suspect a lot of my writing will touch on what God is teaching me through her book. 

So, here I go, a little scared but determined that God has something to teach me through this. Here's to the next 30 days.  

[what's next]

Seasons change, not just on the calendar, but in our lives.  I now have a college student, a 9th grader and a 7th grader and I can't for the life of me figure out how that happened.  I was just pregnant last week.  After 12 years serving in our church's children's ministry I stepped down this past May.  It has been such a huge part of my life that it was hard to leave but I know it is what God wanted me to do.   I love the local church, I love my church and I don't have any intention of not serving in some capacity but it will certainly look very different than it has in the past.

I sense Him calling me to other things.  I sense that He is calling me to relationships.  Most importantly with Him but to really put people over projects.  To spend more time building relationships and making our home a place of refuge for my family and for others.

I sense Him calling me to a different place with Missions, specifically International Missions.  Not sure what that looks like yet but I know in His time He will make it clear.  He gave me an awesome opportunity to be a part of a women's trip to Spain this past June.  It was life changing in a very different way than my previous trips to Africa.  This trip was filled with a lot of dealing with my stuff and He showed me so much in so many ways and through so many people, especially the women on this trip that blessed me beyond measure.

So as I ponder and pray over what He would have me do I will continue to enjoy this new season that He has laid out before me.

[365 days]

Today I turn 48. I don't feel 48 and my kids says I don't look 48 (I love my kids). I still feel like I'm in my 30's, not 2 years away from 50!  We did finish the 10K last month and I will confess I didn't feel like I was in my 30's that afternoon but I digress...

This little guy came to visit us today and it reminded me of God's beautiful creation and how He has a purpose for every creature. 

We had friends over last night to watch "Mom's Night Out" and one of my favorite parts is when they are talking about the momma eagle taking care of her babies and how peaceful she is just doing what God created her to do.  That's what He calls us to do too.  So many times we drive ourselves crazy doing things He never called us to do. 

So beginning today I will spend the next 365 days pursuing Him, asking Him to lead me to what He wants me to do, to lead me to be a better wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend and child of the one true King.  I know He has many changes in store for me this year. He has given me a glimpse of some of them and I am praying for His direction and clear guidance. 

I can't wait to see Him move!

[change is hard...]

Change is hard.  I don't like it.  Even when it's for good reasons.  Even when the things that God is leading me away from are good.

I have spent the last 10+ years in church lay leadership in various ministries.  It has been an amazing ride and I have learned so much from others and through those ministries.  It has been fulfilling and thrilling at times.  There are so many opportunities that I have been given.  But there are times when it hasn't been thrilling or fulfilling.  And let's just be completely honest, church leadership is hard and sometimes relationships are strained because of it.

But I started to hear God asking me if it was fulfilling because I was looking for the approval of others?  Was I doing it so I could tell others how busy I was or how much I was doing for Him and the church?  Do I enjoy hearing people say "You are going to have so many jewels in your crown in Heaven."  Is that what it's all about?  Will I be able to stand up with all those jewels weighing me down?  Am I concentrating on godly works but failing to spend time with the One who deserves all the glory?
During the tough times what were my motivations for continuing?  Am I just giving up by quitting?  Am I blaming others for my dissatisfaction?

And the big question - was I really doing it to further His Kingdom?  I wish I could say I was doing everything for His Kingdom all the time, but the reality is that my type A personality likes to be busy and I like to accomplish things.  There is a sense of satisfaction in bringing a program or activity to fruition.  Especially if everyone likes it.  But the reality is that my personal walk had suffered.  The urgent had taken over the important.  My quiet time suffered, my relationship with my husband and children suffered and being totally honest again, those ministries probably suffered.

I am in the process of stepping down from my "corporate" church leadership roles.  In some ways it has been easy (and a relief) and in some ways it has been harder.  There are areas that I have invested so much time and energy and I feel "ownership" of them.  But those areas belong to God and only He owns them.  Not me.  In some cases I am passing on the torch to very capable hands but in others I have stepped down with no one to lead.  I am trusting God that He will provide leadership for those areas or He will show clearly what needs to happen.

So what is God calling me to next?  I'll save that for another post.  But for now, I am clinging to Psalm 28:7 these days trusting and praising God for what He is teaching me right now and for what He has planned for the future.

[t minus 28 days]

Well we are getting close...only 28 days away.  We had a setback with so much snow that we hadn't run for two weeks straight.  Definitely felt that this morning.  We hope to get a few more runs in this week if the weather will hold out for us.

[t minus 42 days]

Today's results...

Working with a training team definitely pushes us to go farther...

Happy Valentine's Day!

[t minus 49 days]

So we did the unthinkable and signed up for a 10k race on March 28th.  We will do 2 5k's before that on March 7th and 14th.  Here are today's results...

It doesn't feel like we are making much processing given only 49 days to get to 6+ miles but we are certainly farther ahead than when we started.  

[own your life]

I am reading two books this month - Unstoppable by Christine Caine and Own Your Life by Sally Clarkson. I'll talk more about Unstoppable in another post.

I started reading Own Your Life today. I knew a little about it by not a lot. This is the first book I've read by Sally so I wasn't sure what to expect. 

My word for 2015 is intentional and what should I read today in the forward, not even into the chapters yet, but this...

"Am I being intentional? Am I making decisions based on biblical values? 

Am I choosing the pathways that will create deep, loving relationships and give value to the people personally connected to me? 

Am I willing to take risks of faith to invest my life in the things of eternity? 

Am I listening to the world or to the voice of God? Am I living with Christ and His life as the pattern for my own life? 

Do I see this day, these circumstances, as a place in which I can fulfill God’s will?"

Wow is all I can say. When God shows up He shows up! Can't wait to dig into this book more. 

[one word]

In 2014 I chose one word for the One Word Challenge and it was love.  I picked it and didn't think too much about it the rest of the year.  So for 2015 I have chosen the word "intentional."  I want to be more intentional about my life as it relates to spiritual, physical, mental, emotional and financial.  My plan is to write about one of these areas each week as the year progresses with intentionality (if that's a word).